One of the most dangerous relationships you can have, especially early in the healing journey, is with an enabler. An enabler is someone who:

either consciously or unconsciously supports self-destructive behaviour. In the context of addiction, it is a person who supports you using the substance or conducting the addictive activity.

You may think of an enabler as someone who actively encourages you to stay stuck in the addiction. However, this is not always the case. As stated above, the enabling behaviour can be completely unconscious and subversive.

Sometimes it is really hard to spot someone who is enabling you…


Every craving you survive is one step forward on your healing journey.

Of course, the most uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms can be cravings — the intense pull, the overwhelming desire to take the substance or conduct the activity. Cravings are downright cruel. It seems when you commit to cease your substance or activity, these demons dance around you, tease you and taunt you back into self-harm. These cravings can be heartbreaking, especially when you begin to see your mind scheming ways to get out of the detox to return to your addiction. This is where you see the very depth of…


Hello Deepak, and thank you for another thought-provoking and inspiring article. Deep down I share the optimism for the opportunity AI provides for humanity. However, if we use history as a guide, we may be disappointed. In my view, AI is just another evolution of technological progress that has been going on for centuries. Each one of these progressions has made our lives easier, and created comfort and slack that we could use to build community at all levels and expand our consciousness. Unfortunately, it does not appear that we are comfortable with space and need to fill it up…


Knowledge Is Power. Understand How Your Brain Is Enabling Your Addiction!

Even before you became addicted, your brain made you vulnerable to substance and activity dependency. This is because, at the very core, we have an animal brain. All it cares for is getting pleasure and avoiding pain. Neuroplasticity also enables any behaviour (helpful or harmful) to become ingrained and automatic. The reality is that our brains both encourage and support our addiction at a physical level.

It still breaks my heart when I think of how I treated my family when I was in the throes of addiction. I kept wondering what the hell was wrong with me when I…


There is a 4-step process to fully heal from addiction. It is the journey from:

1. Body — healing the body and brain to restore energy

2. Mind — gaining awareness and clarity of thought to challenge limiting beliefs

3. Emotions — building the courage to work with distressing emotions

4. Spirit — living true to yourself and honouring your unique contribution in this world.

When I first began my ‘recovery’ process I was confused and overwhelmed. It felt like I had so many people offering help, but they were all coming from different angles. You have the psychiatrists concerned…


Talk is cheap. If you don’t have a compliments management system then I truly doubt you do!

Concentrating on Complaints Is Cruel

If you have read my previous article — The Untold Cruelty Happening In Your Organization Right Now, you will understand that a sole focus on complaints management can punish the employees you declare you care for. Would you set out to consciously crush your most important asset? I suspect not, but by an unbalanced preoccupation on complaints (compared to compliments), this is exactly what you are doing.

A compliment is an expression of praise or admiration. It can also be known as congratulations, commendation, an accolade, kudos or more informally as a ‘pat on the back’. …


Trust is wounded quickly in addiction. Here is how to get it back.

Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

There are many casualties of addiction. The brain makes a cruel association between the substance/activity and survival, and god help anything that stands in the way of securing that person’s life-blood*. Health, career, family — all become secondary to the quest for survival. Body, mind and spirit are ravaged by the toxic substances and neglect that comes with a sole preoccupation with the substance or activity. …


If I had a dollar for every time I have heard the phrase ‘data-driven’ lately, right now I would be cruising happily along in a Tesla headed towards my early retirement home by the beach. And without being rude, I am sure that is exactly what a whole host of consultants are hoping will be their reality soon, funded by the recent preoccupation with data analytics and business intelligence.

Before I dive in though with why I think we should all be very concerned with being data-driven, first let me clarify that I am a performance management professional and believe…


Stigma: a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.

There is so much great work being done at the moment to reduce the stigma around addiction. Rethink Addiction[1]and Addicted Australia[2]are just two examples of those challenging the current perceptions of addiction with great success. This work is so important, for while addiction is shrouded with shame and disgrace, we will never be able to confront the real causes of addiction and learn from the experiences of those who have battled and beaten this most evil of demons. …


As I am writing this article, I am in the process of moving to a new house. People say that it is one of the most stressful things you can do, and I think I would agree with this. Yes, the logistics and effort required are draining. But more than this, I am grappling with this notion of being between places.

I know that I’m moving away from this one. Most of our possessions are packed in the garage. Unwanted items are being given away. Strangers are coming in getting the place ready for sale, and a sale sign is…

Belinda Tobin

Consultant, author and educator. Inciting action through provocative questions and finding the balance within our daily dichotomies. Founder of The 3rd Edge.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store